Leaving Joy Behind
by HeartlessThoughts
Summary: Hello. My name is Matthew Williams, and here is my story. We were happy and sad. We left and came back. He left, I stayed back. I was his Miracle and Joy. Warnings: Eventual PruCan, child abuse, fame, drug abuse, Alfie Mattie brother fluff.
1. Hello, Nice to meet You

First story. I hope you like it. I do not own Hetalia.

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><p>Hello. My name is Matthew Williams, and here is my story.<p>

When I was a toddler, everything was alright. Mommy and daddy were happy. Very happy. Me and big brother Alfred were happy. Just like a big happy family. Like the ones you would see on the shows. So perfect, and I liked it like that. We had a big house, a car, and went to the best school. Typical rich family, yes? That's how I loved it.

When I grew into a kid, dad left to make his dreams big. I didn't mind it, because he came to see us occasionally. He always brought presents, but he always fought with mom. She would lock me in my room when he was here, not Alfred. Dad would yell at her and tell me to come back down. He would hold me while I cried because mom scared me when she got like this. She yelled at me, and pointed at me, and sometimes slapped me. Dad would always pull me away, and rub wherever she struck me. Alfred would always try to stop her with his small hands. She wouldn't budge, though, she handled him with care, and I envied him for that. I wanted my parents to be together again.

"Daddy!" I cried, clutching onto his shirt with my 7 year old hands. He yelled at her because she was trying to snatch me away. Tears rolled down my cheeks, as she tried to pull me over, she scratched my back. Hard. It hurted so much.

"Come here, honey. Come to mommy, mommy loves you, don't worry." the way she said it made me believe her. Her tone was so sweet, but it only made dad hold me tighter. I looked at her and opened my arms for her, she took me. Dad hesitated to let go. He was crying. She rocked me, gently. I hugged her, and burried my head in her shoulder. I yelped as she let me fall to the floor. I cried louder, screaming in pain. Dad slapped her around, before bringing me into his arms.

"Mom! Why did you do that?" Alfred asked, enraged. He was two years older than I was.

"He's not my son!" She screamed, Alfred looked so much like her. Same colored eyes, bright blue. I wanted to be like Alfie, and have blue eyes like him. Maybe mom would love me, then? I had violet colored eyes, like dads, his hair was naturally wavy, a little past his shoulders. My hair was like his, too. Mom and Alfreds' was straight, it stood in place, and glistened in the light.

Dad was a big rockstar. He had no time for us. But somehow, he always had time for me. He took me away from mom, packing my clothes in a suitcase. Alfred was desperately trying to not let him take me. Mom smiled, as if happy I were leaving. Alfred was angry. Dad told him that I was going away for a little while, and that I would come back some time. I didn't want to come back, I wanted to stay with dad. He loved me more than mom ever did.

When I stayed with dad. It was cool, he lived in a tour bus! It was small, and he lived with three other people. He was the singer of the most famous rock band in the word, 'Leaving Joy Behind.' He told me he always left his joy behind, his happiness. This time, he told me, he brought 'Joy' with him. He said he named the band after he left me. I vaugely remember loud noises that came from the garage when I was a bit younger. I soon found out that it was dad and his band. He told me that I always kept him happy, and brought him so much joy. He always told me that I was his miracle.

His friends would play with me. We played Hide and Seek in the cramped tour bus. When I counted, I would find them easily because there wasn't enough room for hiding. When one of his friends counted, I would always be found last, sometimes sleeping. Mostly because I was a good hider. And sleeping kept me quiet.

When we checked into a hotel, there would be lots of people crowding the entrance. Lots of camera flashes, and lots of screaming. It hurted my ears. I sometimes cried through that. Dad held my hand as we walked through the path way that was created for the band. I bit my thumb, tearing up. Lots of girls were 'awwing' and taking pictures of me and dad.

"Daddy..." I whimpered, tugging on his hand. He looked down at me and picked me up. The girls screams grew louder. I hugged him, burrying my face in his shoulder, trying to out every one's screams. We kept stopping on the way, he was always asked to sign something.

"Can I get a picture with you and your son?" a girl asked. I looked at her with big doe eyes. "He looks just like you, Jerred!" She squeeled. Some people tugged at me, but he held a firm lock on me.

"Smile for me, my son." I looked at him and smiled, flashes filled my vision. Girls and boys aww'd. I smiled to the cameras, beginning to like this life. We had the same smiles. He was more confident than I was, though. I didn't mind that, though. There were people with big cameras and mics who stopped us, too. They asked questions, some were about me, some were about the concert that was being held in less than 24 hours, and some were something about an album det, or something that starts with a 'd.' Dad answered them with so much pride. If possible, so much more pride when a question was about me.

When we left for a stadium, or centre. Dad would always leave me for a few hours and left me with his manager. He was a nice person. But he was scary looking. He let me in a room called the 'Green Room.' He lets me color, and try on clothes. Sometimes he would leave me with the room locked. He would only leave for a few minutes, sometimes 10. But he always came back to check up on me. Each time, I would be wearing something different. Sometimes he would come in with different people. They were celebrities, too. They pinched my cheeks, asked my questions. Like how old I was, what my name was, and told me how cute I was. They would take pictures with me.

I loved daddy's life.

It was almost 9 months when the World Tour ended. We went back to moms place. She still lived in the same place. Dad had his own house, but I requested that we go see Alfred. It was almost my birthday, too. It was middle of June. It was almost Alfreds birthday, too. Alfred was happy when he saw me. He hugged me and told me he missed me. He kept telling me that he saw me on the tv. I was shocked, I never knew I went on tv. He shoved a magazine in my face.

"I bought with my own money, and told everyone that this was my dad and little brother." On the cover was me and daddy, he was holding me, both of us were smiling. I don't remember which day that was because there were lots of days when we were smiling. "No one believed me when I told everyone, though." he said, a little defeated.

Both of us jumped when we heard yelling that was coming from the kitchen. Alfred hugged me, and covered my ears, like he used to when dad wasn't here. I could still hear clearly, though, it wasn't like they shut off my hearing. I heard glass being shattered, clothes being ripped, and moms screaming. Tears shone in my eyes, daring to be let out of the tear ducts.

"Leave! Now!" the woman screamed. She rushed into the room I was in and held me in her arms. I wanted my dad, not her.

"Daddy!" I wailed. I struggled out of her grasp. "Daddy! Please! I want to go with you!" He looked so hurt, his cheek was red. I looked at mom, and hit her in the face. "I want my daddy, not you." I screamed at her, pushing away. She threw me on the floor, next to dad's feet. He picked me up and hushed me as I cried hard.

"I'm sorry, my son. I have to leave you. I'll-" I screamed, letting more tears fall. This hurt more than mom's words.

"No! Daddy! I want to go with you again!" I managed to get out with choked words. "I don't want to be with mom no more. I don't like her. She's mean." I kept mumbling things I couldn't make out. He cried, kissing my forehead before putting me down gently.

He walked out of the door, leaving my suitcase and myself here. Mom put a hand on my shoulder and struck my face. I screamed, running for the door and opening it. Dad was just opening the gate. "Daddy!" I shouted, running barefeet on the ground. He paused, looking back. He opened his arms for me and I jumped into them. There were paparazzi taking pictures. They had followed us here. "She hit me, daddy." I whimpered out. He rocked me back and forth, before handing me to mom, who looked so nice for the cameras. "Daddy! No!" I screamed, thrashing around. I didn't want to be with mom.

"Shh, I'll come back for you again." He kissed my forehead again and left. I cried.

When the next day came, I couldn't speak. I couldn't speak without a lump forming in my throat. Mom acted like I was never there. But she still fed me. Alfred mostly cared, though.

The days went by slow.

My 8th birthday just passed. Dad came to bring me a present. A white polarbear. I named it Kumajiro, but I kept forgetting the last bit of the name. It passed Alfred's birthday, too. Dad brought him a foot ball.

Summer flew by.

School was starting. I was starting at the same elementary Alfred went to. He was three grades higher than me now. He only used to be two grades higher. I didn't mind, though. I never mind. The work was easy. The principle of the school said I could be a higher grade because 3rd grade was easy like eating a pie. So I got transferred to 4th grade. Alfred was two grades higher again. The way it should be.

I hated this.


	2. Liking Life, even just a little bit

I think I rewrote this twice... or thrice, I don't know, but it's finally here. :3  
>I do NOT own Hetalia or any other names I have mentioned in here. Just the plot, title, and band. :p<p>

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><p>Nice to see you again, I'm Matthew Williams.<p>

When I got into highschool. I hated my life even more.

Now that I was older, mom would always yell at me, and hit me, and threaten to kill me. I would bask it all in, hoping she would someday. She struck my face as hard as she could, and I just stood there, not doing anything to stop it. Alfred would always convince her to stop, though. Then he would take me to my room to comfort me.

"C'mon, Mattie." he said in a soft voice. A small smile crept onto my face. He took my hand and lead me upstairs to my room. My room was filled with my look-a-like, Jerred Williams. My dad, Jerred Williams, the rockstar, Jerred Williams. Kumakichi was sitting on my bed, the pillows held hiim up. He sat on the bed and hugged me. I hugged back, sobbing into his shoulders. He pulled back and softly grazed his finger over my bruised cheek. I winced at the pain. We heard the front door slam shut. The tall blonde stood up before looking out the window. "She's gonna be gone for a while, Mattie."

That's how it was. She would hit me around, then leave for a few days, to a week and sometimes to a month. When she did come back, she was always drunk. She would yell at me in a slurred voice. She said I reminded her of my dad, and that she hated both of us. Alfred was my hero, he would always save me from being extremely injured from her. My dad was my idol. I looked up to him.

"Let's watch a movie, Mattie." Alfred said with a huge smile that lit up the whole room. I smiled, he always picked out the best movies. We both stood up and walked into the den. Basically, it was an extra room. There were game consoles in it, a computer, a huge plasma screen, and a stereo/radio. Not to mention our large collection of movies that dated from 1990 to 2012. The older movies were the scariest, though. Nothing cheap like the 3D animation movies. They were more convincing and had the best make up. Also they were VHS tapes, to DVD's, to BluRay.

I smiled. Alfred always treated me like dad would.

I don't know if I mentioned this, but I hated school. With a pure fucking passion.

I groaned in pain as I got punched in the stomach. It was the Bad Trio. Well, the French male would always be left out. Wanna know why? He was my favourite cousin. He wouldn't stop the violence, though. Due to almost being beaten to a pulp when he tried to defend me.

"Francis... S'il te plait. Aides-moi..." I pleaded. He looked at me with sad eyes. I glared at him, but the glare got wiped off of my face as my head got in contact with the lockers. A gasp escaped, my eyes widened, and tears threatened to fall. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of crying, though.

"Kesesese! Francis, look! He's calling for you, little peice of shit!" Gilbert gripped onto my hair, making me look into his ruby red eyes. He pressed his lips to mines. I tried to pull away. I didn't like this, I hated this. I hated him. Just like I hate my mom. I hated him and his friend Antonio. I couldn't bring myself to hate Francis, though, no matter how much I tried. I winced and gasped as he bit my lip. He forced his tongue into my mouth. The soft wet organ filled my mouth. I shut my eyes closed and bit on it. He hissed and pulled back, slamming my head against the lockers again.

"Mon dieu! Gil! S'il te plait! Stop this now!" Francis shouted, tears fell freely this time. I lowered my head, rubbing my eyes with the sleeve of my sweater. I sniffed. I wanted my dad. I wanted him to comfort me. I wanted to see him again and have him hold me and tell me that it will be okay. Arms embraced me. I gasped, and saw long blonde locks.

"D-dad...?" I choked out, only loud enough for the guy hugging me to hear it.

"Non, mon petit Matthieu. Francis." He looked back and glared at the two and lead me to the bathroom. "You will not follow me." He spewed at the two in his thick French accent. I lowered my head again, sad that it wasn't my dad, but my cousin. He was my cousin from my dad's side. My dad's dad was full French, but moved to Canada with his wife and created my dad. My dad was French-Canadian. I was a mix of Canadian, American, and French. Canadian and American dominated the French mix. Due to mom being American.

We walked into the bathroom and Francis walked into a stall to grab some toilet paper. Well, lots. He put everything evenly and wet some. He wet it and dabbed it gently on my face. I looked in the mirror, there were cuts and bruises were beginning to show. "I'm sorry about my friends," Francis began, then I cut him off, hiccupping.

"N-no... It wasn't your fault..." the lump in my throat was making it hard for me to breathe and talk, "Y-you wanted t-to keep your p-popularity..." I sniffed, and rubbed my eyes, wincing due to having a bruise on my cheek. "I-it would probably b-be," I choked on my words, and coughed before finishing my sentence, "destroyed tomorrow.." I coughed into my hand.

He looked at me with a sad expression. I smiled it off. He could tell that the smile didn't reach my eyes. He sighed, I was never gonna talk about it. I'll get by. I have been since my dad left. "Let's get you to the office." He said, brushing his fingers through his hair. I shook my head.

"I j-just wanna go h-home.." I said, biting my tongue to stop an expression from showing on my face. He looked at me with a sad expression and sighed. He brushed his fingers through his hair and smiled.

"Anything. Now lets go." He walked out of the bathroom, myself following his steps. I looked down, walking my feet move. Left, right, left, right. I wanted to see my dad so bad.

The only way I could make that true it to watch his interviews, listen to his songs, his music videos, his vlogs. Anything. He wasn't hard to find like some local band. He was my rockstar and idol. Some people still took pictures of me. They sometimes crowded me. I didn't like it. Mostly because dad wasn't there with me. He shared the spot light with me. Francis and I walked out of the school. Gilbert and Antonio were waiting by his baby blue car. It had gold chrome wheels. He sighed as we walked up to them.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, I stood behind him. Thats where he probably wanted me to stay at the moment.

"Didn't think you'd invite him over to the awesome me." the albino laughed. "Thought I'd have to get him myself. Kesesese!" he clutched his stomach. The tanned male laughed. He had a light hearted laugh. Anyone would probably fall for the laugh. But I wasn't anyone.

Francis told me to sit in the passenger seat. I suddenly remembered something when I looked at the radio. My dad has a concert here in a few days. It was announced on the radio yesterday, and that there will be a live radio interview tomorrow. I smiled. Francis sat himself into the passenger seat. The other two planted themselves in the back seats.

"Williams, you're in the most awesome spot in the world." the tall albino said, giving me a smug look through the rear-view mirror.

"Will you shut up, Gil. By the way, Matthieu, I got you the most best present ever." Francis smiled at me. I looked at him. He reached over the the dashboard and opened it up. There were two tickets. My eyes widened. "I've been trying to keep this a secret since I knew he was having a concert here." I grabbed the tickets from him. 'Leaving Joy Behind, LIVE PERFORMANCES AT THE MAIN STADIUM, doors open at 6:00pm, performances start at 7:00pm, featuring guests.' I smiled in joy, and hugged the life out of him. "We get to see your dad live," He smiled. My day couldn't get ruined, now that I knew I was going to see my dad. "Front row tickets, he'll be sure to see you and me. Merde. I miss him." he smiled, pulling out of the school parking lot. I was crying, I get to see him. I haven't seen him since my 8th birthday, and that was 8 years ago. I clutched them to my chest.

"Merci beaucoup, Francis." I whispered. He smiled. I looked out the window, we weren't going towards Francis' or my place. I grew worried. "Where are we going?" I asked, caustiously.

"Francis was in on taking you to a secluded place where me and you could have some awesome fun." Gilbert answered for him. I looked at Francis, he was tsking.

"I'm going to drop off Gil and Toni at their's places. I do not want them around you." We turned right. I nodded, I was scared of them. Well, not Francis, but Gilbert and Antonio. We drove for another 10 minutes. Gilbert was making 'awesome' jokes about us being able to have fun when he finds me alone. Francis would tell him to 'shut the fuck up' and Antonio was texting someone.

I turned on the radio, my dad's band was playing. Every radio. I was proud of him. Francis and I sang along, not caring about the other two in the back. They couldn't possibly make my day worse. Actually, nothing could.

I was beginning to like life a little. Even if it's just a little.

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><p>:3 Hope you liked it, please review?<p> 


	3. Welcome Back

Hey :3 New chapter, I do not own Hetalia.

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><p>Oh, hello again. Nice to see you again. I'm sure you know me by now.<p>

"Mom! Please! Stop!" Alfred shouted, standing in front of me. She was drunk again, and she held a joint between her pointer and middle. She glared at me and her son.

"Don't tell me what to do, now leave me and Matthew alone. I don't need fucking Jerred's son here!" she slurred, trying to keep her balance. Alfred backed up, I moved back, too. She stepped forward, looking over Alfred's shoulders, and glared at me. He pushed her back with little force. He didn't need so much force since she was unbalanced anyways.

"Mattie, leave now. Go stay somewhere safe!" Alfred demanded, looking back with ice cold eyes. I shivered and nodded, I rushed to the door, slipping on my shoes and grabbing my jacket. I let some tears fall, not caring about who saw. I didn't know where to go. Francis' maybe? I decided yes and started for his place. What I did not expect was a black long limo stopping just infront of the gate. I stood back. My hands were just opening the gates, but I stopped my movements. The drivers door opened, he rushed to the back door, and opened it. I was scared to know who it was. The person stepped outside.

I gasped. "D-dad.." I choked out. His face broadened, his hair grew longer. He had a stubble. He smiled at me, and then it faltered. He wiped away my tears. I forgot about that. He sighed, before going up to the house.

"I can't believe she would still do this!" He silently shouted, I guess it was only meant for me to hear. He banged on the door before walking in. As the door opened, screams were heard. Shouts were being shouted fromy Alfred. I stood there. By the gates. The limo driver was standing there, acting like nothing was happening. Everything stood still. Only the wind was blowing.

It stayed like that for a few minutes, before my dad and Alfie walked out. Dad held my polar bear in his arms. Mom was trying to keep herself up. He gave the polar bear to me. I held in in my arms tightly.

"Give me back my fucking son! You bastard!" she screamed at my dad. She took a swig of the bottle of vodka she had in her hand. I felt more tears fall. Dad walked passed me, and into the limo. Alfred made sure I went in first then came inside.

I sat in the middle of my dad and Alfie. I looked around. Francis, Gilbert and Antonio were there. I only tightened my hold on Kumajuna. I looked at my dad. He smiled at me. I smiled back the same smile. I was with my dad again. "I missed you, son." He said, "You've grown so much since the last time I saw you!" he said, his grin growing more and more with each word he said. He looked over me and to my brother, "You, too Al, you boys are just so full of surprises!" he said, Alfie gave him a smile and a thumbs up.

"So, why are they here?" Alfie nodded to the trio.

"I stopped by my sister's place." He said, "My nephew there, he had his friends over, and I thought, 'Hey! Wouldn't it be great to surprise both my sons?' And so, surprise!" his smile was so confident, and bright.

He sighed. The sigh I knew that was bad. "I'm so sick of your mother's shit." he vented out. The three friends kept silent. "I'm thinking of just taking both of you away from her, especially you, my son." He put a hand on my shoulder. I lit up, smiling.

"T-that would be t-the best present ever.." I said, a small blush forming on my cheeks. Living permanently with dad. I looked over to Alfred, he was in his last school year. He smiled at the thought. I pressed the bear to my face, then moved my head for my cheek touched it.

"I wouldn't mind living away from her, too." he said, a dreamy daze.

"Bien! We shall make arrangements, then. You two will be living under my roof now. Once I get a lawyer to make it official." The privacy window rolled down.

"Sir, where would you like to go, now?" the driver said. He sounded so high and mighty. He looked at me.

"Wanna go to the Pancake House?" He smiled, I nodded, jumping in my seat.

"

Oui, j'adorerais." I said, excited.

"Are you guys okay with pancakes?" he asked everyone else. Every nodded at the thought. Especially Gilbert. "Okay! Driver, nearest Pancake House, please." he said in a polite tone. The driver nodded and rolled up the privacy window. My dad smiled, I couldn't help but smile along with him. His smile was so contagious.

"So, how was school? Are you keeping at the top of your classes?" He asked me, flipping back his hair.

"Yeah, I'm getting all A's in every course." I wanted to cry right then and there. He shifted away from me, to bring out the red wine.

"I think you deserve you're first glass of wine, son." he smiled cheerfully. "You want some, too, Francis?" he asked.

The French gasped, putting a hand to his chest, "Why, thank you for offering." He said, accepting the glass, waiting for my glass.

"Do any of you drink wine?" He asked his friends.

"No, I drink beer. Wine is for prissy's kesesesese." The Prussian laughed, dad ignored his comment.

"I drink some from time to time." the Spanish male said, smiling. So fake. They both were fake. So fake, putting on a fake show.

Dad handed me the glass. Just the three of us, we clinked glasses. Made a toast to myself, and drank it. I coughed, blushing. It trickled down my throat. Dad only smiled and laughed at me. Along with Francis. "How was it?" Dad asked.

"It's sweet, but bitter... At the s-same time.." I said in a tiny voice. He laughed, and patted my back.

"You don't have to drink the rest, give it to Francis if you don't want it." I observed the wine, wondering if I should give it up or drink it. I took a small sip, letting it interfere with my tastebuds. "My bandmates are so excited to see you, Mattie." Dad started with a smile. "Maybe when we get to my home, we can play hide and seek, like we used to when you were younger." he chuckled. "That's where they are right now. They're probably sleeping from the tour and everything." He put an arm around me and kissed my forehead. Just like the way he used to when I was younger. I rested my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes.

"I missed you, daddy." I said. He gave me a squeeze and I felt him smile.

"I have our day planned out, son." he said, I looked at him. "After we're finished at the Pancake House, we're gonna drop these guys off, then me, you and Al will go to my place. We're gonna wake up the bandmates in the most craziest way possible! If they're sleeping, though. If not, then we're gonna play hide and seek. I'll count first. Everyone will hide." He thought for a moment, the smile on my face was rapidly growing. "Then when I find all of you, we'll play boardgames, and sleep in the living room." I laughed lightly, pressing on my bears paws lightly.

"That sounds like an awesome plan! It sounds so much fun!" Gilbert piped up.

"Si! It does sound like fun! I wish my family was like this.." the tanned male said the last bit to himself.

"Well, you guys can come, too, you just need permission." My dad said, smiling. We stopped. The driver got out of the limo and opened the door. We all got out, a few people were crowding. Some were gasping.

"It's Jerred and Matthew Williams!" a girl said. I smiled, this is what I loved.

"Jerred! Can I get an autograph?" another girl said. "Can I get Matthew's, too?" She asked. He looked at me with a sincere smile. I walked up and grabbed the pen from her. I signed my name. Dad and I signed a few more names, took some pictures and then we were finally let some peace with the rest. I loved that dad would share the spot light with me. Like a father-son duo. We waited at the front, waiting to be seated.

"A party for..?" the busboy asked. Dad counted all of us. There were 6 of us.

"A party for 6. And please, a private room." He smiled his trademark smile. The busboy smiled.

"If you just wait for a few minutes, I'll go check if there are any available." he smiled and walked off in the direction of the private rooms. We stood around. I stood by my dads side. It felt like before. And I missed that.

The busboy came back with a smile. "Theres a room available. One of the finest." his smile was so sincere. The chef walked into the waiting room.

"Ooh! Jerred! Great to see you again! Oho! You too, Mattie! It's so great to see you again! You have grown to much! You were this small last time you came here!" He put out his hand, about 4 feet from the ground. "I'm glad you have decided to come back! You will get the best service here!" He boasted on and on, motioning us to follow him. We followed to one of the rooms. There were 8 chairs, Two on each end, three on each side. The walls were a nice dar kred color. A gold chandelier hovered above the table in the middle. The mahgony carvings made the room look elegant and-

"Woah! This is the most awesome room I have ever been in! It's awesome-approved! Kesesese!" Gilbert laughed.

We all took our seats. Dad was sitting across from me. Francis was siting beside me, and Alfred was siting on the other side of Francis. His friends were sitting beside my dad, looking around, astonished.

When we ordered, we made small talk. Gilbert and Antonio would try to create small talk with me. Alfred, not knowing what they do to me, didn't do anything. He just drank his soda that he ordered. Everyone else ordered different things. Francis and Dad requested one of the restaurants best wine. I requested orange juice. Gilbert and Antonio got pop, since the Prussian wasn't old enough to order beer, and Antonio just wanted pop.

Aside from the rest here, it was just me and my dad. It was almost like the old days. Almost.

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><p>Well, here's chapter 3, I just felt like updating again. :3 Hope you like it and review.<p> 


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